Medieval saints interceded in many tasks and troubles for the faithful in need of favor. Saint Drogo is the patron of coffee and ugly people. Saint Wilgefortis, who miraculously grew a beard to put off an unwanted arranged marriage, is the patron of women in bad relationships. Saint Isidore is the patron saint of the internet (which, to be clear, did not exist in the Middle Ages; he was originally the patron of farmers).
What better way to kick off September than by celebrating the feast day of Saint Fiacre? He was Irish, which endears him to Duff, and he’s the patron saint of gardeners and herbalists, which appeals to Francis; he was also a hermit, and everyone loves a hermit.
The versatile holy man was renowned as a healer, and is the patron saint of venereal disease and hemorrhoids, which in the Middle Ages were known as “St. Fiacre’s Figs.” The great French statesman Cardinal Richelieu, who suffered from the affliction, prayed to his relics in the hope of relief. The Cardinal desired to take Fiacre’s bones with him so he could apply them to his nether regions, but was rebuffed. Perhaps he should have prayed to Saint Phillip Neri, the patron saint of laughter, as everyone knows laughter is the best medicine.